Weak and pathetic?

I’ve been “mulling” on our last emails.

You made the statement that you were weak and pathetic having taken a glass of wine.

Obviously, only you can make the diagnosis that you have a serious drink problem.

I wouldn’t, even if you were sat in the same room.

Follow my logic here.

If you don’t have a serious drink problem, then there is no issue with you taking a glass of wine. If you do have a serious drink problem, then what you have is an illness and there is nothing weak and pathetic about succumbing to the symptoms of an illness.

Will power or moral fibre cannot cure illness. Try will power on your next bout of diarrhoea and let me know if it worked.

So, ask yourself the question which have you got? If you wanted to become more drink-aware, you have now achieved that. Job done, pat on the back and keep an eye on it.

If you have serious problem, what are you doing to treat it? I suspect that you have looked at and kicked the tyres of the programme, but not actually attempted to DO it. You are seeing the cunning subtlety of the illness. You have been tricked into thinking that you have done something.

I’d liken this to buying cough medicine and complaining that it doesn’t work before opening the bottle.

Step one – Admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

If I am powerless over alcohol, I shouldn’t handle it, have it on the dinner table, or even have it in the house. Of course, we argue that our partners and friends shouldn’t suffer because we want to stop drinking and this is true. However, this means raising our awareness when drink is on the table. Using a glass that is a different shape and drinking something that is a very different colour. By making these acknowledgements, we are admitting we are powerless.

It could be time to decide how much of a problem drinking is and what you want to achieve?

The Monkey

I’m never going to be free

My daughter said that somebody had tried to bully my grandson. A terrifying wave of justifiable anger surged through me. Within moments I had decided the only answer would be a petrol bomb. If the entire family who had refused to punish the child had to perish then so be it. I’ve never spoken to this family, or had any contact, but in my head, the discussion had gone badly and the time to act had passed.

Without being able to discuss this insanity in the freedom of my group, how could I survive? At some point I would act on the crazy thoughts. I can never indulge myself in the fantasy of stepping ovwr the line. The moment I do, the sickness takes me to places I don’t want to visit.

One day I might be able to not react this way, but I haven’t reached it yet. My only hope is to continue with the daily reprieve contingent on maintaining a fit spiritual condition. Now where did I hear that before…